Pugulthood

Apologies to all you Puggers out there awaiting a new post from me - I have had better things to spend my time on recently. But I refuse to abandon you all, so here is a thought that has been running through my mind.

Babies. I have never really been a baby person often trying to avoid eye contact on the bus with a bonnie child that expects me to fall at its tiny toes in admiration of something so small. Don't get me wrong - I find them adorable but I won't go out of my way to seek one out. My lovely neighbours have just had a baby and I now find myself thinking about them more than usual. There is something about the little digits, the squat features and the vulnerable nature that makes my heart melt. This is the same for nearly all animals in the world.

They are just irresistable - I'm talking lion cubs, penguins, chicks... However, I have noticeed that there is one animal that produces a baby that keeps my heart firmly in solid form - you will be shocked to hear this but there is nothing in a pug puppy that makes my heart melt. In fact, I would rather not look at them until they have reached full maturity.

I have spent the last few months thinking this through and I think I know why I can not stand the society of a pug puppy. A fully grown pug, to me, represents perfection. Nothing could be cuter - it is therefore impossible for the pug puppy to be able to compete with his older counterpart. As a result, when seeing them, I feel repulsed with frustration, they are so close to perfection whilst being at the same time so far from it.

The only solution I can see for this dilema is to keep all pugs away from me until they have become adults. I therefore suggest pug farms where all pug puppies go and are kept out of my way until they groow up and then they can be released into the wild and chased by yummy mummies across H'Heath where only the fasters, deadliest mums will succeed in catching themselves a pug. I think it is the best solution for all.

Close encounters of a PUG kind

I had an early morning meeting the other day. To be honest with you I was not looking forward to it. Somehow I had managed to arrive an hour early for the meeting and had to sit in a coffee shop looking lonely and depressed. It was one of those miserable days when there is rain in the air but not quite enough to allow you the use of an umbrella but enough to create a mullet/mohican crossbreed of a hairstyle.

Finally I went to the meeting. We were greeted at the door with a quick 'hello' followed by a 'I hope you don't mind dogs'. Immediately I had visions of a great dane running towards me like a long lost child only to discover that I am not its mother, but still, it will like to stick its nose right into my crotch. I therefore braced myself - but I had nothing to fear. There was no sign of this beast. Then, suddenly out of nowhere - a little black bundle of fur started running my way. Everything seemed to go into slow motion. We stood in a room no bigger than 10 ft across but this little black ball took a good 20 seconds to reach me. It took about half this time for my brain to get into sync and realise what was coming directly towards me. Then the three letter word left my mouth and everyone in the office abruptly looked at me - PUG!

It was beautiful - I say 'it', pugs seem to be genderless to me. They are neither 'he' nor 'she' they are just pug. This pug was a black one. I must admit to you all that before I met this pug I had a racist tendancy to fall down on the side of a tan pug. I always felt that you see more of the pugly features on a tan. That might be true, but black pugs are amazing. They are a bundle of fur with two black snooker balls dangerously poking out. I was in love. It was strange - I immediately scanned the room for exit points and congratulated myself on choosing a bag that day that was big enough to fit a pug in but not too big to hit people on the bus with. I had a decision to make. Run with the pug, start a new life - as far away from here where no-one would recognise me, or turn my back on it. The pug's dark fur was like a black hole attracting my love and desire - I needed that pug. Then I realised -'what sort of life can I give it?'. We would be on the run, not knowing where the next meal was coming from. I could not put it through that - slowly my back turned. I hope I made the right decision.